Contentment

Went for this semester's final CG bible study yesterday night. Wasn't planning to go at first given I have one individual's whose submission is due the next day and I'm far from halfway through. No worries, my assignment is done now. Had to re-do it twice in fact cause I got stuck the first time round. So worried as it was in the wee hours and none of my classmates would be awake, but thankfully I got through and finished it all at around 4am plus.

After that, I tossed and turned and it was surprisingly hard to fall asleep. Had been thinking of why am I placed here in Malacca, awful lot this past two weeks or so. And here I thought, I have moved past this topic longggggg agooo. Apparently not! I cannot exactly put a finger on as to why I am here or what am I even doing here. I started reflected back on the past 2 years when I made my move here, all hopeful for a great change, one I had no clue of. I'm hanging out less and less with CF-ers as a mass (not that I get asked that often too) and I've realized that after my internship, I have almost quite suddenly stop fancying going for CF and CG for that matter.  So, its not just there is nothing on my social calender but it also seems like I am choosing not to have anything scribbled on my social calender. Oh what has happened to me??

Back to the topic, the title of this post - Contentment. At the end of CG yesterday, we were asked to choose one word, on how we want this year to be. I took some time to think of it and then I decided its going to be a year of contentment for me. I'm coming to the final lap of my tertiary education this May, which leaves me to around 4 more months here. For my final few months here, I do not want it to be a time where I try even harder to make memories (sound a tad bit cruel no?). The reason I said that is because I wanna let the chips fall where they want, instead of me placing them around. I have come to the reasoning that there is a social hierarchy everywhere, yeap even in a holy place. With that social hierarchy, someone will need to play the Queen B and someone will need to be the underrated ones. People will just need to fill up the hierarchy!

The reason I chose contentment is because ~ whatever my placement/position is in that hierarchy, that will be my placement. I do not want the final few months I have as a student to be spent feeling as if I am entitled to something more and also spent trying and working even harder to move up that hierachy. If I still have a couple of more years to go, maybe. But now, what 4 months of "damage control" can I do, to a society where certain cling to the spot on the hierachy. Yeap, I'm pretty hands off now.