Flashback to the day I first found out that she has the bigC, it was the first day of Chinese New Year. Upon knowing she has the bigC and also that it is already in stage 4, the first thought I had was I don't think she will be around the next new year which means she wont be around when I graduate from university. Of course trying to see what will be a year from now is maybe to far into the future, so I started thinking of events that will be happening in that year like my 21st birthday, Christmas, New Year's Eve. Still there was a high chance that she would not be around for those too.
When she was admitted to Selayang Hospital on the last day of CNY, I knew somehow her condition was getting worse. When I visited her, she still could ask me to get her a handbag similar to what I was using saying that its a good bag to bring along when she goes to the market. At such a stage where she was already much weaker as compared to how she usually is, she still wanted to go to the market. She was discharged a few days later when doctors discovered that there was not much that they can do and the best option was to bring my grandmother home and make her as comfortable as possible.
Her condition continued to deteriorate from then. I fed her dinner whenever I go over to my aunt's place when she no longer could hold a spoon up herself. I liked how they said my grandma eats more when I am the one feeding her =)) hahaha... Her taste buds changed too, she ate things she would have never touched. My first time trying out red velvet was also her first, so is Alexis' Berries Meringue. Soon she came to a stage where breathing was harder for her, hence talking required more effort. Even so, she did asked about my friends that she remembers and also how work was for me, did anyone bully me in my workplace and listened attentively to what I had to say. She has nothing to worry, she has a grandchild that would not be bullied at any cost and also one that has no problem saying whatever and walking away.
I left the office at around 10am plus after just entering for 2 hours plus. I reached my aunt's place and her breathing problem has gotten worse. We stayed around at the house throughout the day. She opened her eyes one last time and left us all peacefully shortly after.
I liked how even during the wake, when the undertakers told us to not wash our hair until the funeral ends and also to be on a vegetarian diet, my aunt actually said "Its ok, mother knows and understands we need to wash our hair". Yeap, my pohpoh knows I need to wash my hair and how I can't stand oily hair, and she is ok with it. We didn't even had vegetarian food after her funeral, in fact we had bak kut teh for dinner. Pohpoh is enjoying the meal with us from up there =)) My pohpoh was one very cool grandma.
I will always remember the times I sat on her lap during car rides from way back when till I grew so big that it is almost impossible to sit on her lap anymore.
The times she made pan mee at home for a few weeks and how her stir fried minced pork plus pan mee combination beats any pan mee I have tasted.
When my uncle got her a juicer and we played with it for days until we realize cleaning it up is such a hassle.
The first time I saw her walking with a walking stick and in my heart I went "oh no, she is getting older.."
The times where she will braid my hair for school and share the new hair oil she has gotten from the lady who does her hair.
Her story telling sessions which includes war times, the stories of her kids, the nieces and nephews she helped took care and also me when I was younger.
These to name a few...
Poh, you don't have to worry bout me, how you always told me to study and be a university graduate ~ I am already half way there. How you also always told me the importance of getting a good job and not having to rely on others ~ I will make sure of that when I come out into the working world. I am beyond thankful for having you to raise me and being such a major part of my years growing up and my life as well. I am glad that I can talk to you and know you so well because not knowing you would have been such a loss. We just hope you will enjoy your new place up there, your new car and the driver and so much more =))
