Sitting On Your Brain

I looked as if I was wasting my time, slacking, not being worried at all bout the coming Finals, like I don't care at all. In my interpretation, I am not taking Finals seriously and I looked as if I am only taking 3 subjects in a long semester. I would add on that the 3 subjects are Moral Studies, Malaysian Studies and maybe a co-curriculum subject. 

Clearly this person sat on his brain while talking. Mind you, I am taking 6, 5 of which are core subjects as stated in the course structure, unlike those who take 3 simple subjects in a semester, waste their time in uni just because and God knows what else they do as they have been in uni for forever and looks as if they have no plans to leave. And why the heck must I let the whole world know if I am worried or scared for my papers.? 

Please, your awful day is your awful day. Not mine, and don't give me crap just because you are stressed. You should know how to conduct yourself better. Use your words to encourage and not to tear one down. I don't apologize for being so relaxed and worry free. You are stressed and you behave badly in public, that's clearly your problem. I could have turned around and snapped, I walked away instead cause I know the importance of giving face (which you clearly didn't and possibly incapable of) and not wasting your time.   

The End of One

Its 3am and I decided to update. I've been catching up with my studies for Finals. Its been so so, there has been better more productive days of course. 

Went home last week for an internship interview on Friday. 
Don't know if it was any good because of the dent in my CGPA but I really want to be placed there. 
I do want it that bad. Good company, good pay, near home ~ who wouldn't want it.? 
Refreshed my email for so many times today to see if they have replied me, but sadly my inbox is still empty.
If its in God's plan I would get it I suppose. Am glad that I've gotten so far, without much hitches in my studies. 

After that interview and a short stay at home, I came back to Malacca on Sunday.
Got back to my room and quickly showered and get ready for CF's appreciation dinner at 99 Garden.
Nice view and surrounding, food was okay...
It was a good night, the girls turned up looking so pretty =)
Can't believe my 2nd and my final time serving in CF has come to an end. An End. God showed me alot through the people He placed around me. It was one epic roller coaster ride to work side by side certain people in certain situations but it was still a journey honouring and to honour God. 
Dealt with difference in work ethics, communication break downs, difference in opinions to name a few. 
Learnt to carry myself better, be gracious with people, hold my breath especially when things go out of hand.
As a person placed in a position to give and serve, it was still okay to receive. A sister told me that its okay because we don't run with a tank that never runs out. 
Few nights ago, I had this thought ~ my whole existence here, since I came in during Beta, I have been in the committee and now that I don't have it anymore, it did feel as if I had to learn how to exist all over again. Gonna sit down soon and reflect on how faithful God has been through it all despite how far I have been at times.

To the next batch of committee's, I wish you all the best and may God's hand be upon everyone of you and everything that you do as well. May He guide you when you are lost and strengthen each of you when you are weak. Commit your plans to Him, He will make your plans succeed. This is the good race you are running for Him =)

I don't know what I will be up to after this. There are still many stuff and areas that I have yet to try out. I hope a musical will be back though, it will be my chance to try out script writing, costume directing what else.? Serving in church. A second Project 365 maybe. Be a Final Year Student and a good one at that as well. That's the rough ideal plan, He ultimately decides. 

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.

    And what does the Lord require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy

    and to walk humbly with your God.

~ Micah 6:8

And Your timing is just perfect. I needed to be reminded of this again. Help us all to lead a life worthy to be called Your children. May we be a blessing to others just like how You have faithfully blessed us with so much. 

Double Standards

Surprisingly, that is the first tip in my Knowing/Tackling Nonsense 101.

So yea, double standards exist and it sucks if you are on the losing end. Think of it this way, if the roles were reversed, what had happened would have become a hot topic and people would come to me to demand an apology be made to that person. Those who saw what happened is literally sweeping this under the rug because it involved a saint behaving badly. Here is news for you...

1) you were out of line

2) you were out of line

3) you were so out of line.

A Day Later

So, yesterday I thought a day was enough for me get over what happened, but what happened in CF clearly showed I didn't. I hated myself for being so weak. So.Damn.Weak. Its one more reason to add to the bucket of reasons-I-wanna-get-out-of-here-fast.

Like how the heck can I start crying when you walked in halfway during P&W.? Yea, weak, I know. I really wanted so badly to just let people know what happened but I also know if I were to do that, I am not any better than you. A friend told me that I might be traumatized by what happened (maybe I am). I become "unstable" when the incident crosses my mind and for today, it crossed my mind so many times. 

Its actually a good thing now that this person is leaving soon, even if it will be the same time as mine. I cannot bear the thought of another person getting that kind of treatment from that first class ass. So, its for the best that this person is leaving. I wont have another junior or friend of mine being "terrorized" like this. 

One thing you have that I clearly don't have ~ you have the people's support and favour, people here look at you as this saint who can do no wrong, mature, wise and whatever other crap. I on the other hand, I am considered "noise" whenever I open my mouth and I can feel people going "ohh there she goes again..". Even if I were to blab bout this, who the heck would buy my story.? So yea, go ahead and count yourself lucky. If I have let the adult guard in me down for that moment and told my parents bout this, my dad would have drove here and give you a lecture that will straight knock you to puberty. But, I am an adult. I believe I will deal with you once I am ready. In the meantime, I am also a smart ass who knows how to protect herself.

I am keyboard warrior here but that's cause I don't know how to deal with this properly like an adult, yet.

The Importance of Being Courteous

Out of courtesy, 

I let you talk to me in a way I clearly did not deserve.

I didn't hang up the phone, instead I let you continue to talk to me in that tone of yours.

*if it was someone else, they would have hung up the phone, or maybe curse you before doing so*

I still tried my best to talk to you politely.

*if it was someone else, they would have properly stop you halfway and out talk you just like that*

Even my grandmother with the little education she had carries herself waaaaayyyy better than the way you just did.

I write this not to get back at you for the crap you flung to my face, but in the hopes that you saw where you took the wrong turn and learn from it. To be a better a person.

As a student here, I've had my fair share of seeing seniors behaving badly and what just happened might have made me the most courteous bitch on the face of earth. How the so called high and mighty have fallen in my eyes, at least.

Simple Joys

Today, I am thankful for...

- 2 of my lecturers are not barring me for my Finals because of my tutorial attendance

- the little small progress with my internship placement

- Dad finally settled my tuition fees for this semester

- found the song that I've been youtubing in my music library =D

- the strength to hold my tongue when I could have done otherwise.

- still being able to put myself out there, just out there.

53 Ornaments

Christmas Celebration is finally over and done with.! Yes Yes Yes =D

Looking at how it went there were definitely things I could have done more. I could have prepared more ornaments for decorations, more preparation for the photo booth and most importantly, I could have surrendered more to God than to rely on my strengths. Quite honestly, I saw this opportunity to plan the party as an outlet to dump all my creativity, party must haves and ideas (like the photo booth). This was the chance, only chance I will have to try out all the decorating tips and tutorials I googled. I saw this as a golden opportunity to see what is it like to make a photo booth, what was it like to hang doyleys from the ceiling etc and the guilt free part is that I get to try this all out for free. Yes, free. Well, I kinda went over budget still =.=

I ran up and down and tried so hard to make it look good so that people can have a good time, people can leave with pretty pictures of the night and also so that I can look and admire at pretty decos. The fact that I have a better and greater reason to celebrate and rejoice on this day didn't cross my mind as much as it should have.

Now that its done, of course I hope that the next person who is in charge of this wouldn't go though what I went through. I still have hopes of seeing a minimum of 80 ornaments dangling around and a nicer photo booth to be set up next. But at the bottom of it all, the planners must know the reason why they want to give so much and that they have such a great reason for the season that they are in. The tough lesson here is, in all that you do, put Him first. 

See what I meant when I said there could have been more stuff dangling down from the ceiling.? Could have, whats that word... "rain down more heavily" =D

Know.Remember.Embrace

You are one hell of a tough bitch.!

always know that, remember that and best of all, embrace it.