You know you are lonely even when you are surrounded by people with the most vibrant personality and what seals the deal here is when you make more phone calls than ever, calling the same few people and ranting about the same old things.I guess the face I put on, well its just ultimately a face I put on cause I think I cannot see myself walking around with a sour face >.< And it took me this long to realize it, to realize I've not been completely settled here, to realize that I've been pretending more than I thought I was =.=
It's quite miserable considering I keep telling myself that God placed me here for a purpose and I am okay (don't know what other words can I use =.=) with being here and walking in this path He set me on. Even in the midst of all this so called misery, I still know that God is good, He wont put me through things I couldn't handle and I must trust His plans for me. Though His presence can feel very distant at times, its undeniable that He is the ultimate companion for everyone.!! =) God works in ways we can never ever imagine.
Isaiah 41: 10 - So do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
As of now, though I still remain unmoved and unaffected (okay, not on all things cause I really am looking forward to ROC) by the things that are going on here, as gempak as they are, I of course hope that things will change soon. Imagine if this goes on for the next three years.??!! Talking to Esther made me realize that I've been comparing too much, and when one starts to compare, expectations will definitely follow suit. Like come on, how many times did the-place-that-shall-not-be-named-but-everyone-knows-its-the-place-I-keep-talking-about came out from my mouth.? Not to mention all the praises that I kept attributing them with.? I need cut my new family here some slacks too. So yeah, guess I have a lot (a whole lot.!) to work on.
Hey, i think it's perfectly normal to compare. I went thru that when i came from ipoh to cyber, after spending years with my friends there, i started comparing my ipoh friends with cyber friends.
ReplyDeleteBut things will eventually get better. It's better to come to a realization early, then not realize it at all. I hope the very best for you and that things will work out. See you soon. Oh yeah, Don't be too hard on yourself too. = )