There was this incident that I had to face earlier this week. There was no avoiding it. I had a "more serious than usual" sit down session with one of the closest people I met in my varsity life. Truth is, I was quite scared for it. I didn't know how I would be able to open up my eyes and bring myself to lie to this friend's face, just to save face. I didn't know what I should prepare, as I don't even know what questions will be flung to my face. So, in I went with all the false bravado and sat down confidently to be potentially "fried". The session didn't exactly come as a surprise. I would consider myself "warned". I shall not expose what went on as both parties agreed that whatever that is said will stay in that room and only between the both of us. But I indirectly realized something and this I will let slip ~ I close so many "one eye" because you are "family". I had been that bias in my daily conduct and the pathetic part is, you continue to abuse it and I allowed myself to be abused in such a way again and again. *don't I ever learn..* I'm still letting this to sink real deep in and understand why I did that.
While I was at the "warned" stage, one friend told me this ~ It seems that you are in "tai wok" with both sides. My reply to that was, "I think I would wanna un-"tai wok" myself at that rather than at this, cause at this, whatever I do or don't do, I feel I'm in "tai wok", so yea..". Then an encounter that had I-won't-take-back-what-I-said written all over it happened. More reason to devote time and effort at that than this.
*in my dictionary, probably dictionaries of many as well, tai-wok is the Cantonese equivalent to "deep shit" in English.
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