Romantically Deprived

One more paper to go for midterm and after I would be midterms free. Someone is gonna get so fluffed up because the title above was "coined" by him. 

I don't know how discrete should one be about something that people already know but none is talking about it publicly. Its a topic that many are unwilling to initiate, but once initiated *poof* hottest topic you can get I think. Anyhow, there will be a major project again this year by the CF and this time round, I'm a "scriptwriter". Not "Bimbo Nurse" or "Kid at Orphanage" or "Non-Playable Character". For now its "scriptwriter", other roles/posts I shall reveal later if any =P 

I have written scripts before, a few times here and there. Written more than what was actually staged or acted out. This would be the biggest script and production that I will be writing to date. Since it will be from scratch and being in a position where you can have a little say at how you want the story to be or go, no doubt you will put up things that you would like to see. Right no.? I had been persistent on a particular matter since day 1 but in the end, it was decided that what I wanted up on display will not get the green light. So that particular thing I wanted so badly, earned me the label of "romantically deprived".

As a person who appreciates art, I'm eager to see where this project will take me. Strange to see myself being the one pushing others now, instead of being the one pushed. Will be cruel or even unrealistic of me to want people to perform like the cast of Glee or dance like the contestants in So You Think You Can Dance. Especially in the area of dance. I am no dancer (I go from saying I have two left legs to the ground is shaking) and heck, I never took ballet before also. But, I have appreciated seeing performances where dancers really stretch as far as they can. You should be able to tell that I like those contemporary ballet or lyrical dance performances by now.  Whatever that I cannot do physically, does not mean I can't picture it in my mind. If there is a piece that I can co-choreograph (mannn, the head director must have that much faith in me), I'm gonna push them to stretch their legs further or jump and leap as high and far as they can. That's in the dance department. Be ready for status quos to be challenged.!

To the journey of script writing, whhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeee~~~~

Rekindle the Fire

That is one thing that impacted me in church today. That three words, the rest of the sermon, I have forgotten or I wasn't paying much attention to begin with. So that three words sealed the deal for me. 

No activities has been carried out for the "thing" that I said yes to yet, but I sure hope that when it does, I will be enthusiastic and positive about it. Its gonna be a role that has much bigger responsibilities that the one I held in the previous production. 

I am not an outstanding figure in leadership, but I don't think I suck big time as well. In student activities/productions, unlike a real job where food on the table is determined by how you do your job, its easy for students or US, to not have much motivation. I once led a group of people who 1) had another language medium as mine. It was bearable at first, I could contain the Grammar Nazi in me. Then after my internship, its irritating to hear people not "speaking properly". They were also of a different kind of work ethic and frequency. They came to meeting multiple times unprepared and when I come to claim their work, they are honest enough to tell me not to worry. I didn't wanna take cheap shots at them or to tell them how to use their time. It was at their own conscience. So, I am not terrible neither am I great. I hope to be open to learning and growth but give me a crowd like that, I just won't be able to be effective and efficient in my work. 

By availing myself for this production in my final year, its definitely a risk. I might have a clue on how demanding this journey would be but not the biggest and clearest picture. Like how the title suggest, its a step (quite a big one actually) that I am taking to rekindle the fire for God. To what lies ahead, its gonna be kick-ass (most used words at the moment).

Welcome to the New Age...

Brrrr, post and title has no relations. That is what happens when I don't know what to name a post and Youtubing at the same time. *Radioactive (cover) by Clara C*

There are a few things that has been on my mind regarding this space here. After so blogging for almost 2 years now, I find my blog not being like those commercial blogs that I follow. It has been somehow an outlet for me to let out anger, frustrations and ramblings. I want a happpeeeyyyhhh blog where I share happy stuff, where I put good things out there. But no, that's so not the case here. I mean, where are my attempts of #OOTD posts. See, I follow fashion blogs where bloggers blog bout the personal style, their vacations, their foodie adventures and I have a weakness for such blogs. Major weakness. Till today, I have never taken a full #ootd shot. Too shy to be in front of the camera. With time and lost of hope, hopefully, I can turn this blog around as I have no plans on moving to a new blog. Don't worry, I will still bitch bout nonsense and crap that is affecting me here.

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There was this incident of me "holding the wrong key at the wrong time" back when I was in Gamma2. Its Delta1 now, so that would be approximately 2 semesters ago. I was holding the key to this study space that me and a bunch of my friends frequent. I was there one night, trying to be a nerd and study for my upcoming Finals. Studying, studying, I halfway got a call from a senior which after that phone call conversation I would call a jackass. So, innocent MeiTheng, studying so hard for Finals got a call from a soon to be jackass senior. Jackass senior on the other line was the epitome of rude and uncivilized. Like my goodness, didn't you learn anything bout manners growing up.? Who on earth talks to a girl, as a matter of fact people like this - "I wanna make myself clear and I don't wanna repeat myself so you listen carefully here. I want the keys to be in my hands by tonight. You understand that or not?". Maybe just maybe, you never learned manners growing up. Stupid me, I got traumatized by that phone call. To think, the keys were in my hands. If I wanted to play games, he would have needed to play by my rules. I could have played hide and seek with him and be a diva and demand him to talk properly.

So that was one. Then there was the no-balls apology this person pulled off. He was already there in the study space when I reached. This was few nights later btw. He pulled his friend along when he apologized to me. Oh mai, brother, where are your balls.??? Like seriously.? Where the heck were they.? So bravely lecture me over the phone and this is the apology you pulled off.?

Months passed and I lived a kick ass life through my internship. After my internship and for my final year, I moved into my own single room, in a house with people I know. Then it was CG, and he is a close friend of one of my housemates. He was chit chatting with my housemate and when he saw me at the hall, I sensed he felt awkward. I said "Hi" and its like he wanted to leave my porch so fast. What a waste right? Inflicting awkwardness on your own. It shows that he knows his apology was bullshit, because if he sees his apology as valid, he wouldn't have felt so awkward to stand at my porch longer. You brought this on yourself brother and I am going to be around. Don't mess with me yo! #YOLO

the Big Blue...

Hooray!! Guess who completed her internship.? Its obvious isn't it. After more than 12 weeks at IBM, I came to my last day. It has been a great journey filled with learning, learning and more learning. The first day that I stepped into Plaza to register and make my employee badge, I was determined to be good at my job and to make this journey a memorable, kick-ass one. When they asked if I could extend till the week before my new semester was suppose to start, I didn't hesitate much. To get a placement with them with the results that I have is a miracle on its own ~ this part I would like to thank my upbringing, thank God I spoke English at home that made me nail the interview in parts where my CV was dented. Extending wasn't much of an issue for me also is because I know how I have been away for stuffs regarding my grandmother and also with Malacca. Am I proud of the placement and also the work I did. A "no" would be total bull right? So definitely yes, I am proud of what I have done during my internship. I didn't get a chance to check how many job seekers that I have handled or have contacted was successfully hired. Whether my performance was exceptional or not, is probably another matter. My main tasks in the office was basically phone interviewing job seekers, passive sourcing for job seekers in job portals, screening CVs, posting and advertising jobs to name a few. I would say I enjoy doing it, though sometimes I find some of it a little tedious. Apart from that, I also had a presentation, which I think I did a decent job at =P 

The three months plus that I was at home, many things had happened. From losing my grandmother to getting a new phone. Talk about extremes. I believed in the three months plus that I was there I contributed to the team that I was assigned in, be it a major or a minor one. I loved getting my paycheck (ooohhh I love my paycheck), knowing that I worked for those money feels good. But I didn't really save while I was home also ~ I spent so much for new clothes but looking at my closet now, I don't see where are my new clothes also. Now that I am back to being a student, I felt almost immediately that my thrifty nature came back haha...

There were stuff that I played a part in and contributed which is not my proudest moments. If there is such a thing as a punishment as of now, I am paying the price. Now that classes have resumed and I am now back in campus, I have to pay my dues for the nonsense that I have done while I was away. Since this is my space in the WWW, I shall write clear and hard of what hurts (quoting Ernest Hemingway). Indeed its not painless (double negatives haha) for me, I did not set out to hurt and maybe back stab. In such an age of social media, there are plenty of keyboard warriors and unfortunately I am one too in this matter. So going for whatever trips for the purpose of relaxation and appreciation whatever, was out of the question for me then. Last minute or whatever, I leave it to the person to think. To publicly write you can't believe what happened "yesterday" is probably not your proudest moment either. You said plenty to me after, after which I don't see a point in explaining myself. And no, not because I wanna disperse blame or I was completely at guilt, but because you don't have a single grasp on me. Accountability, my friend, is probably one concept that you never got. I almost laughed out loud when you were screwing me, in the middle of such a not laughable time. Do I wonder if I am or was a table topic to you and your friends? Well yea of course, I must be blind if I don't think so. Am I sorry for what I have done? Yes of course, I didn't set out to hurt a friend. I failed at being of help to you. Do I bother if you are aware of that? Probably not. I know what my intentions are and were and that should be enough already. 

But all in all, my internship was mine. The things I faced, the challenges I overcame, its value adding to myself. What I have done is possibly selfish, but it is mine to keep and "sell" when I graduate and look for jobs. I did question myself this, which I think can be of use to many ~ Is it better to be brainless or heartless? At that time, my answer was it was better to be heartless. I need my brains to get by. Well, sometimes I am quite the bitch. I'll admit that.

Happier posts to come for Delta.!! #finalyearstudent

*Sigh*

At times and situations like this, all my ability to think straight is non-existent. All I want to do so badly is fling whatever I can get my hands on and just be a 5 year old throwing tantrum. 

Indeed the best person for yourself is yourself. 

One day hopefully, I can loudly say "I don't need you because I have me. But you will need me, because you  are not me!". 

Grandma would be proud on how self sustaining I plan to be. 

Adults.? Well reality check, adults don't give away 300 bucks a month to suffer. Is that seriously the best economic decision you can make? All of a sudden, you don't know what choice and opportunity cost is? Your choice is something that will give you the most satisfaction. 

You are not up for a discussion despite how you say you are ready to listen. When a conversation does not go the way you want it to, you stop it by walking away.

Why on earth do I want to waste time dealing with something that I have the option to not deal with?

Please, what on earth was wrong and which part of my simple explanation did you not get? Which. Part??

#SOSGrandma!!!

#GE13

I am not a political person. I find politics interesting don't get me wrong, just that I don't follow it until some big riots take place or politics becomes some table topic that sucks you right in. The good thing is politics are not rocket science, it is never too late to pick it up. If a politics noob like me can pick it up and know a thing or two a few days before the election, I am pretty sure you can too.

GE13 has just came to an end with the incumbent government coming out victorious, according to CNN ~ "one of the longest serving government in the world". I see many in Fb has changed their profile pictures to black to I guess, show how dark and worse this nation will get or be till the next GE. News are going around how they were unfair and till the next GE rolls around, things in this nation will be darker. 

If someone were to ask me "How dark?", I would know no crap because like I've said, I don't follow politics. What I do know is that by 2017 when I become a first time voter, the actions of my government will affect me more, just like how its affecting my parents and the people in this country right now. 

Only in darkness can light shine, and we are the light of this nation. Our journey to the holy gates of heaven is still far,  and we are still here because God's works here are still not complete. Malaysia is our home, a blessed country where God is in control and we shall reap a harvest if we do not give up on this nation where His works are far from finished.

Be blessed fellow Malaysians...

Honour and Grace

On the 3rd of April 2013, at 8.08pm, my grandmother left us all peacefully after losing a short battle with liver cancer and more importantly after living a life with honour and grace.

Flashback to the day I first found out that she has the bigC, it was the first day of Chinese New Year. Upon knowing she has the bigC and also that it is already in stage 4, the first thought I had was I don't think she will be around the next new year which means she wont be around when I graduate from university. Of course trying to see what will be a year from now is maybe to far into the future, so I started thinking of events that will be happening in that year like my 21st birthday, Christmas, New Year's Eve. Still there was a high chance that she would not be around for those too. 

When she was admitted to Selayang Hospital on the last day of CNY, I knew somehow her condition was getting worse. When I visited her, she still could ask me to get her a handbag similar to what I was using saying that its a good bag to bring along when she goes to the market. At such a stage where she was already much weaker as compared to how she usually is, she still wanted to go to the market. She was discharged a few days later when doctors discovered that there was not much that they can do and the best option was to bring my grandmother home and make her as comfortable as possible.  

Her condition continued to deteriorate from then. I fed her dinner whenever I go over to my aunt's place when she no longer could hold a spoon up herself. I liked how they said my grandma eats more when I am the one feeding her =)) hahaha... Her taste buds changed too, she ate things she would have never touched. My first time trying out red velvet was also her first, so is Alexis' Berries Meringue. Soon she came to a stage where breathing was harder for her, hence talking required more effort. Even so, she did asked about my friends that she remembers and also how work was for me, did anyone bully me in my workplace and listened attentively to what I had to say. She has nothing to worry, she has a grandchild that would not be bullied at any cost and also one that has no problem saying whatever and walking away.

I left the office at around 10am plus after just entering for 2 hours plus. I reached my aunt's place and her breathing problem has gotten worse. We stayed around at the house throughout the day. She opened her eyes one last time and left us all peacefully shortly after. 

I liked how even during the wake, when the undertakers told us to not wash our hair until the funeral ends and also to be on a vegetarian diet, my aunt actually said "Its ok, mother knows and understands we need to wash our hair". Yeap, my pohpoh knows I need to wash my hair and how I can't stand oily hair, and she is ok with it. We didn't even had vegetarian food after her funeral, in fact we had bak kut teh for dinner. Pohpoh is enjoying the meal with us from up there =)) My pohpoh was one very cool grandma.

I will always remember the times I sat on her lap during car rides from way back when till I grew so big that it is almost impossible to sit on her lap anymore. 

The times she made pan mee at home for a few weeks and how her stir fried minced pork plus pan mee combination beats any pan mee I have tasted.

When my uncle got her a juicer and we played with it for days until we realize cleaning it up is such a hassle.

The first time I saw her walking with a walking stick and in my heart I went "oh no, she is getting older.."

The times where she will braid my hair for school and share the new hair oil she has gotten from the lady who does her hair.

Her story telling sessions which includes war times, the stories of her kids, the nieces and nephews she helped took care and also me when I was younger.

These to name a few...

Poh, you don't have to worry bout me, how you always told me to study and be a university graduate ~ I am already half way there. How you also always told me the importance of getting a good job and not having to rely on others ~ I will make sure of that when I come out into the working world. I am beyond thankful for having you to raise me and being such a major part of my years growing up and my life as well. I am glad that I can talk to you and know you so well because not knowing you would have been such a loss. We just hope you will enjoy your new place up there, your new car and the driver and so much more =))

the big C vs the big B

I've been going to my aunt's place very often now, ever since we found out that my grandmother was battling the big C. Spending Friday nights and the weekends there, I got the see a ridiculous amount of adults saying stuff that doesn't make sense. Just for laughing purposes here is one episode I would like to share. My aunt said this to my grandmother:

"You know, you have got to push yourself to get better. A few years after I had my daughter, I had this sickness. I had headache, diarrhea and I vomited. There was no medicine for it, just your will to get well. In fact, it was pure suffering, even more miserable and painful than your situation."

At this part, I took of my earphones and commented how unfair it is to say whose suffering was worse, but of course she ignored it.


One day in my imaginative mind, lets say that I injure my toe. The pain was bad, my toe is now black in colour. And I go around saying that the pain I am going through is far more painful than the pain that she went through while giving birth to her daughter. 

Being the grand daughter watching her grandmother fighting to survive and hearing comments like this is not easy. I wonder whether my aunt was sitting on her brain when she said that or all the other things she has said. I don't get how people can bring themselves to say things like this. My grandmother is 80 plus and is in the final stage, though it is painful for me or her family to see her fight, she of all people feels the most pain and only God knows much fear she is going through. 

My hope for all who are journeying with her, here is the time to be reasonable and lets your words encourage.

Sitting On Your Brain

I looked as if I was wasting my time, slacking, not being worried at all bout the coming Finals, like I don't care at all. In my interpretation, I am not taking Finals seriously and I looked as if I am only taking 3 subjects in a long semester. I would add on that the 3 subjects are Moral Studies, Malaysian Studies and maybe a co-curriculum subject. 

Clearly this person sat on his brain while talking. Mind you, I am taking 6, 5 of which are core subjects as stated in the course structure, unlike those who take 3 simple subjects in a semester, waste their time in uni just because and God knows what else they do as they have been in uni for forever and looks as if they have no plans to leave. And why the heck must I let the whole world know if I am worried or scared for my papers.? 

Please, your awful day is your awful day. Not mine, and don't give me crap just because you are stressed. You should know how to conduct yourself better. Use your words to encourage and not to tear one down. I don't apologize for being so relaxed and worry free. You are stressed and you behave badly in public, that's clearly your problem. I could have turned around and snapped, I walked away instead cause I know the importance of giving face (which you clearly didn't and possibly incapable of) and not wasting your time.   

The End of One

Its 3am and I decided to update. I've been catching up with my studies for Finals. Its been so so, there has been better more productive days of course. 

Went home last week for an internship interview on Friday. 
Don't know if it was any good because of the dent in my CGPA but I really want to be placed there. 
I do want it that bad. Good company, good pay, near home ~ who wouldn't want it.? 
Refreshed my email for so many times today to see if they have replied me, but sadly my inbox is still empty.
If its in God's plan I would get it I suppose. Am glad that I've gotten so far, without much hitches in my studies. 

After that interview and a short stay at home, I came back to Malacca on Sunday.
Got back to my room and quickly showered and get ready for CF's appreciation dinner at 99 Garden.
Nice view and surrounding, food was okay...
It was a good night, the girls turned up looking so pretty =)
Can't believe my 2nd and my final time serving in CF has come to an end. An End. God showed me alot through the people He placed around me. It was one epic roller coaster ride to work side by side certain people in certain situations but it was still a journey honouring and to honour God. 
Dealt with difference in work ethics, communication break downs, difference in opinions to name a few. 
Learnt to carry myself better, be gracious with people, hold my breath especially when things go out of hand.
As a person placed in a position to give and serve, it was still okay to receive. A sister told me that its okay because we don't run with a tank that never runs out. 
Few nights ago, I had this thought ~ my whole existence here, since I came in during Beta, I have been in the committee and now that I don't have it anymore, it did feel as if I had to learn how to exist all over again. Gonna sit down soon and reflect on how faithful God has been through it all despite how far I have been at times.

To the next batch of committee's, I wish you all the best and may God's hand be upon everyone of you and everything that you do as well. May He guide you when you are lost and strengthen each of you when you are weak. Commit your plans to Him, He will make your plans succeed. This is the good race you are running for Him =)

I don't know what I will be up to after this. There are still many stuff and areas that I have yet to try out. I hope a musical will be back though, it will be my chance to try out script writing, costume directing what else.? Serving in church. A second Project 365 maybe. Be a Final Year Student and a good one at that as well. That's the rough ideal plan, He ultimately decides. 

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.

    And what does the Lord require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy

    and to walk humbly with your God.

~ Micah 6:8

And Your timing is just perfect. I needed to be reminded of this again. Help us all to lead a life worthy to be called Your children. May we be a blessing to others just like how You have faithfully blessed us with so much.