I've Not Even Regained My Voice and I Have To Lose It Again =.=

Crap, the last time I was here was last September.?? In my defense, I'm not a lifestyle blogger, so scarcity in my blog postings is very much forgivable =P

The title of this post - I was completely voiceless last Monday (9/2/2015) and I communicated via whispering most of the time at the office. Wanted to go get an MC cause clearly, I won't be able to perform my job effectively, but decided against that. I've been regaining my voice ever since, though I still sound rather coarse and can't sing two lines without coughing. However, I'm probably gonna be back to square one with this voice issue. I screamed. My lungs out, might I add. My neighbors were probably freaked as heck. But I had to scream. I had been in a pressure cooker the whole day and I gotta let it out. Its okay, my Lea Michele moments can wait.

As the date of this post might suggest, its Chinese New Year right now. This year's CNY is a rather different affair, its pretty meh. Nope, meh is an understatement, a lie even. Its less than meh, Meh is probably same old same old, how CNY was not any different as how it was last year, the usual affair. Mine was less than meh, its, agonizing actually. Its agonizing to celebrate what greeting cards says is a prosperous and joyous occasion, when adults (ie parents) decides to misbehave and chose this time to do it.

It was yesterday(19/2/2015), at approximately 2.30pm that the celebration ended for me. Like, its first day of CNY at specifically 2.30 and I am done with CNY 2015. When adults chose to bicker and bring out issues and frustrations that were decades old, even older than me, on a drive to the next house we were house hopping to. That was it, I bid CNY 2015 a very untimely goodbye. That's gently putting it, it was f*** CNY la!

I feel a lil like Tom in 500 Days of Summer. He works in a greeting card company and is not happy with his job and thinks that greeting card companies are such a fraud. Correct me, if I remember wrongly how this movie went though. So like Tom, I think greeting card companies are selling us a bunch of bullshit, or at least to me, at this point of time, at this specific CNY. Prosperous and joyous what.? A year of good wealth and health.? I get 14 MCs a year and I make an honest living with my 9-5 job, that's my wealth and good health.

I just gotta bicker here! I'm a positive/optimistic person, that's how some still see me as ~ carefree, happy go lucky etc.. I would say I am. But I'm allowed some PMS moments too right lol.?

2 Months and 1 Day

Today marks 2 months and a day I am into my job. I won't say I am deeply in love with my job neither do I hate it completely. Anyhows, I will still give myself a pat in the back for coming this far. This job pays for my splurges at Zalora and Dorothy Perkins so, can't really whine much haha. 

Being new, I do a lot observing as I don't have a posse to bitch with lol. Some things I just wish I didn't have to see nor hear of it, but you know people talk. They Talk! And being neither blind nor deaf, I can't avoid not knowing of it. With that said, I give myself 2 more pats in the back for emotionally and mentally shutting out chatters that are, for the lack of a better word - bullshit. Sure sure, everyone has their opinion as to whose works are sloppy, who is not punctual and etc, but the universal theory of benefit of the doubt tells me that people clock in everyday to give their best and make an honest living. Question yourself this, who actually seeks to be escalated for not performing?Personally, in my own words that would be ~ I want to be deserving of my pay. And to be deserving of my pay, I do my best at my job. I sound so rainbow and lollipops don't I? 

Aside to being new, I am also the youngest in the team that I am working in. The most senior being a baby boomer and the youngest, me, being a dang proud Gen-Y. My baby boomer colleague was questioning bout how Gen-Ys function, and errmm, it wasn't in such a positive light. I remember just sitting at my desk and continuing with my job as if they weren't talking about me or people of my generation, my peers. Reading back Oprah's Harvard commencement speech really brought so much light to the episode that I dealt with.

"You will find true success and happiness if you have only one goal, there really is only one, and that is this: to fulfill the highest most truthful expression of yourself as a human being. You want to max out your humanity by using your energy to lift yourself up, your family and the people around you". 

See, I aim to best the person I can, put my best foot forward all the time cause only so I lift others up and be of service to the people around me. In addition to achieving the most truthful and honest expression of myself, for myself, I hope that that too reflects well on my peers.

I would say the answer to that question is pretty much answered above. I walk into interviews or into my job daily, being mindful of what prospective employers/superiors and mentors want to see and mambo jumbo that with my personality and quirks, in the hopes that you, my prospective employers/superiors and mentors, can see that generations can gel. There is no Gen-Y without Gen-X and no Gen-X without baby boomers.
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And what did I just blabber up there. From my job that pays for my splurges, Oprah's speech to generations-can-gel. No wonder I can't write anymore. But for what's worth, you do get my point right?

Bridge Over Troubled Water

Hola everyone who is reading this. Alot has happened this past few months that I wasn't here. The most major one being I'm officially a graduate. I have a degree to my name =) And this post title's name is derived from my Youtubing of this song the past two days =D

Just a short update on what I've been up to this week or lately. Of course, with the completion of my studies comes the obligation and responsibility to look for a job. A JOB.!! Set up my profile on Jobstreet for a week now and no one has called me. I don't know bout you but I find that quite tarnishing to my confidence. 

I mean, I've seen myself always, without fail, as a career oriented person as much as I do not have the academic excellence to boot. Ask me where do I see myself 10, 15 years from now and I will tell you ~ working, being good at my job and getting paid well, financially stable, travelling or something along those lines. It has never been "ohh settling down, having kids, a family...". Never. Almost like as if work is all I have in mind. But with this job hunting drought (???), it made me really see the dent in my academic results and the older my JS account gets, the more elusive it is to score a job in a nice, well known company. A company I foresee myself working in for a long time. Dang, I shouldn't jinx it like that, what a theory that was. But regarding the results part, that one is one slap of reality, to the extent that I feel I wouldn't mind going through university just to properly sit down and study and be a nerd. Not for those mushy life changing experiences bull haha. 

On another angle also, I feel it is probably God's way of telling me to direct some of my focus, time, resources etc to ministry also and not just work and career alone. Leaving university, I never once thought where I would wanna serve in or stuff like that. Dang,I didn't even sort out any arrangements for a church to attend once I move back home, what more where-next-can-I-serve. As of now, the church-to-attend part has been sorted out, thank God for Deric haha. 

This job hunting thing is ughhh. I've noticed job advertisement disclaimers stating it takes an average of 2 weeks to process an application. If that's the case, I must have been very very very the impatient. All I know for now is that I will need God to open some corporate doors for me. Am pretty stoked to attend a new church this weekend. The new faces, the culture. Being in a place where no one knows you is quite therapeutic at times for me, so I guess I'm probably looking forward to that a bit. Naturally also, being in a new place means having a level of enthusiasm that is probably subconscious, so that is something positive that I kinda can have fun with.

Lastly, before I go, I wanna share the song that this post is named after. At least the version of Bridge Over Troubled Water that I really enjoyed. Why don't people make music like this nowadays.?? McKnight's belt of "I will ease your mind" at 4:20 is to die for. My, musically non technical verdict je la hahah... Toodles happy readers.!! =) =)

Bridge Over Troubled Water ~ Josh Groban & Brian McKnight (cover)

Substance

Everyone is a person of substance, until the person himself/herself proves and behaves otherwise. I would say that there is no need for me to be buddies with someone to classify him or her as substance, one should be given that label from the beginning. I think that's the benefit of the doubt. But once actions or words prove otherwise, you've got to accept that your misconduct is what you will need to live with. 

I rest my case.

Keeping up with MeiTheng

I've been watching so much of Keeping Up With the Kardashians and any shows that has something to do with the Kardashians. Yeap, including Kourtney&Kim Take NY and Khloe&Lamar. Such guilty pleasures. And also the go to post title as I am completely blank now. While we are at the topic of TV series, I've also caught up with the 5th season of The Good Wife ~ goshh Alicia Florrick's brain is so sexy!

Finals of Delta2 and Results
So much has happened since I last posted, it was at a time when preparations for Finals has not even start. Now, Finals are long gone, news of Taylor Swift's Red Tour coming to Malaysia broke, #Sochi2014 started and ended, Finals results are even out and I am already on the final week of my semester break. Passed everything from previous semester *hoorrrayy* with slight increase in my GPA, though my GPA was never to die for to begin with. With me passing every subject I took last semester, that meant I can go into my final semester on time and that leads to me having a good and high chance of graduating on time too! You tell me why I no happy.??? Hahahaha....

Taylor Swift Red Tour
I wanted to go for the Red Tour so badly, so so so mega extremely badly. I was ready to spend my ang pao on getting the tickets too, but sadly I had no one who can confirm if they could go since it's going to be in June, a long period of time to go. The other cray crap part is ~ TICKETS SOLD OUT WITHIN TWO HOURS.!!!! Miss Swift sure has a big following here =D

#Sochi2014 (I had to do the hashtag thing here haha)
Now now, I get to what I might say as the biggest chunk of this post - the 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics!!!! I started watching the Winter Games back in 2006, when I was in Form2 *gahhhh it has been that long eh.??* and I've been following ever since. I remembered how I told my dad to not leave(he was sending me to school btw) because there was ladies' figure skating going on on TV. I saw Sasha Cohen's silver medal performance, cheered and celebrated when Irina Slutskaya fell hahaha (cause I wanted Sasha to win) and witnessed history when a Japanese won gold in this event. I was okay btw, with Arakawa winning, cause speaking as someone-watching-the-sport-for-the-first-time-hence-I-know-nothing, I felt Arakawa's joy, freedom and her authenticity towards her craft. Okok, that was the history of how I started watching the Winter Olympics.

Back to #Sochi2014, of course I rooted for Yuna Kim to win a back to back gold medal, many did in fact. As all would've known by now, she didn't, she skated away with a silver instead. I also rooted for Gracie Gold to medal because I am a #teamusa #ftw kind of a girl. Nahh, I support TeamUSA because of Michelle Kwan (inspiring, so inspiring, the epitome of an American dream) and also how USA dominates the sports that they are in and the honour displayed by their athletes for being part of TeamUSA . I definitely hope and want to see Gold again in PyeongChang 2018, I might even consider making a trip there hahaha...  Davis and White winning ice dancing gold - happiest news ever at this Olympics for me *Go Meryl and Charlie!!!!*. I watch ice dancing because of the Shibutanis, super adorable and talented siblings. Maia has tons of swag yo! I hope the siblings will continue to improve and be household names of their sport and craft and also so that I have nice ice dancing routines to watch lol..

And through this Games, I discovered another event that I will be following - short track speed skating. I saw Apolo Ohno 500m gold medal win at the 2006 Games, but I never followed up with the sport anymore because of my immense interest and adoration towards figure skating. Sochi2014 rolled around, I got interested in short track speed skating again. I do not know how low speed skaters "lean" towards the ice when they are at the curve. Mind boggling hence super interesting. Another reason - JR Celski!! Here's a picture I got from Google and I'll let that do the explaining hehe...

That's what I call a million dollar smile!

But I insist, I still watch the Games for its sporting elements and not just for eye candy kays.? Eye candies are just teeny tiny added bonus...

That's pretty much it for me now, the semester break has been stagnant but I like it because I know the next break I will have will be occupied with job hunting. It sound weird to even say that ~ job hunting. Anyhows, thanks for reading and hoped you gain a thing or two =)

Welcome to Shit Factory

This place is twisted and dirty. Like real dirteyyh! If you come here without much of self confidence, personal integrity and personal conviction, this place would high chance do permanent damage to you. Thankfully, its been more of a preparation of the real shit factory ~ the real working world, where all people chase after is wealth and fame by kissing asses. 

Glad to say that, I've been to where I am today, without kissing asses. Kissing asses are for losers. Of course, my refusal to kiss ass hasn't made me favourite around here nor has it garnered me mainstream success and recognition. If that's a price I pay to have my integrity intact, then that's a pretty cheap price that I would be more than willing to pay. 

Just so you know, when I said its "yours", it really was yours. That huge thing is yours, ain't mine. Honesty came right to you directly when you asked me. Clearly, you were not expecting truth when you asked. Posting a status on Fb and calling me rude ain't gonna make you un-own that piece of thing. News flash, little miss rude here unclogged your piece of thing in the toilet. Why don't you go bitch bout that with your clique of sisters?

#shitfactory #yolo

*clicks Publish*

Contentment

Went for this semester's final CG bible study yesterday night. Wasn't planning to go at first given I have one individual's whose submission is due the next day and I'm far from halfway through. No worries, my assignment is done now. Had to re-do it twice in fact cause I got stuck the first time round. So worried as it was in the wee hours and none of my classmates would be awake, but thankfully I got through and finished it all at around 4am plus.

After that, I tossed and turned and it was surprisingly hard to fall asleep. Had been thinking of why am I placed here in Malacca, awful lot this past two weeks or so. And here I thought, I have moved past this topic longggggg agooo. Apparently not! I cannot exactly put a finger on as to why I am here or what am I even doing here. I started reflected back on the past 2 years when I made my move here, all hopeful for a great change, one I had no clue of. I'm hanging out less and less with CF-ers as a mass (not that I get asked that often too) and I've realized that after my internship, I have almost quite suddenly stop fancying going for CF and CG for that matter.  So, its not just there is nothing on my social calender but it also seems like I am choosing not to have anything scribbled on my social calender. Oh what has happened to me??

Back to the topic, the title of this post - Contentment. At the end of CG yesterday, we were asked to choose one word, on how we want this year to be. I took some time to think of it and then I decided its going to be a year of contentment for me. I'm coming to the final lap of my tertiary education this May, which leaves me to around 4 more months here. For my final few months here, I do not want it to be a time where I try even harder to make memories (sound a tad bit cruel no?). The reason I said that is because I wanna let the chips fall where they want, instead of me placing them around. I have come to the reasoning that there is a social hierarchy everywhere, yeap even in a holy place. With that social hierarchy, someone will need to play the Queen B and someone will need to be the underrated ones. People will just need to fill up the hierarchy!

The reason I chose contentment is because ~ whatever my placement/position is in that hierarchy, that will be my placement. I do not want the final few months I have as a student to be spent feeling as if I am entitled to something more and also spent trying and working even harder to move up that hierachy. If I still have a couple of more years to go, maybe. But now, what 4 months of "damage control" can I do, to a society where certain cling to the spot on the hierachy. Yeap, I'm pretty hands off now.

Ushering 2014

Last day of 2013, hooorrraayyyyy....? Notice the question mark at the end? See, that's something that I am not really getting here. Its the last day of a year, a year in the life of XXX, it means something, no?

I don't know if I am blowing New Year's Eve gathering and parties out of proportion, but I am quite sick of hearing some say its "just another day" and they add on a "get over it" as well. I can't bear the thought that some sees it as a day to just get by or get over with. It sounds real pathetic to me that one can opt to just watch dramas in their room to usher in a new year. End a year and start a whole new year on a good note, no? Your birthday and no one does anything for you, its just another day and you should just get over it. Can I use the same reasoning on that? We celebrate the birth of a Saviour on Christmas, but its just another day and just get over it. Again, can I use the same reasoning for this situation as well. 

I remembered a year where my family just got home from a New Year Eve's party at a relatives place, endless amount of food served and countdown done. Once we got home, I got into a fight with my brother about something, trivial I might add. Lo and behold, my dad came into the picture and we got a real good lesson. I clearly remembered him saying this "First day of 20XX and you wanna start with a fight!". 

Same difference here I guess. First day of 2014 and you wanna start by getting it over with. First day of 2014 and you wanna spend it rotting at home. 

FYI, I am not asking for a sophisticated and lavish, all out bash to be thrown to usher in a new year kays?

The #roc3embrace Journey Pt. 3

.: long, panjang lebar written post ahead :.

I wouldn't have thought that throughout directing and backup singing for ROC3 would only produce 2 blog posts! Yes, ROC3 has ended. I can't believe its has come to live on stage and curtain has been called.. *is there such a thing? Its meant to be curtain call but you get what I'm trying to convey*. 

Its amazing to have my family in the audience, I guess its their first time in a very long time seeing me get involved in something artsy. Sadly, they missed the opening and they came in halfway through Prelude. So, in a way they didn't get to see me on stage *laugh out loud*. Was quite nervous for the opening, first time solo singing on stage with mics *phew*. Really enjoyed playing the role of a "ballet flat wearing Greek goddess in a maroon peter-pan collared, mullet dress". Embrace's opening was derived from The Gospel Truth from Hercules and I must say, its definitely a different kind of opening than what was done in previous musicals. 

Standing at where the backup singers stood, my eyes were glued to the stage. How to not look there anyways? Mega proud of everyone, they gave their best and if there was mistakes, the cover ups were superb! Hearing how the crowd goes was encouraging at the same time funny. My dad was reminded of his youth hearing some of the songs that was included in this year's production. Really glad that there was something that he relates to. 

Serving with my other 5 scriptwriters were an experience on its own. I would admit that it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows throughout the 8 weeks of practices and the additional 3 to 4 weeks of script writing prior to that. There were times that we differed in opinions but I am thankful that we are united. In vision, direction and also in having each other's backs. It was amazing seeing how we differ in terms of music taste and imagination but yet, it came out in one really awesome-ly merged script.

I struggled with being gracious-equally to all my cast. The Alphas were pretty much in the safe zone as I gave them the "you're a junior" ticket. The seniors, on the other hand, I expected them deliver. There is a line in the musical which was said by the character Emma "I believe in working my way..". I personally have that mindset towards people who are, hmm how should I put this, "there". For those that I consider "there", its in my understanding/logic that they have clock in their hours, braved through storms, paid their dues and worked their way to where they are now, which is "there". "Up there" to be precise. And when you are "there", its preferable that you better not be a waste of space. 

I had a relatively rough time accepting that things are handed to certain people almost like on a platter. I know its rather ironic to think that I was handpicked by God himself to write a story on the subject of grace. Grace, aside from it something given to us when we are so undeserving of it,  its also something that is freely given to all by God himself, almost like on a platter. Then one day, it just hit me. Why bother being unhappy of how God chose to bless others? Its their blessings and God blesses me in His own special way too! Seen or unseen, His blessings are indeed upon my life. Its my pathetic nature to choose to compare blessings with the people around me. I wouldn't say I am completely over it, but I believe now I have clarity that I never had before. 

The #roc3embrace Journey Pt. 2

Reporting to you blog readers live from the workstation of a director. This is the story of ROC3 practices thus far as of 19th of November 2013.

Just entered Week 5 of my academic calender and I just sat for one of my midterm yesterday - BBL2014 Business Law. Technically, the musical is 3 more weeks away as booking for the main hall has been APPROVED.! Having main hall approved meant that the musical is happening on the 9th of December 2013 and it will be my first time doing a musical in that main hall. I must say that Main Hall doesn't look as nice as Rumah Media (where I had my first ROC experience), but this is the venue that every musical is intended to be held at, in campus.

To be honest, I've been having this "I wanna get things done" mentality quite a lot, more than I should. You see, I intended ROC3 to be this great journey of faith, where I expected great trials and problems to actually come up that would make me rely on God more. Not to say that things have been easy peasy but I've been doing well with the "get things done" mentality. Like the other how Sally shared that different musicals will have different issues, like how during ROC2, she felt picked on. Cast and crews will make comments on the blog that she is in charge of, the transport list etc.

According to her, this time round for ROC3, its costumes that are problematic. Costume arrangements are done by me. For me all this while when casts come to me and say they wanna change something and all, I thought it was just the nature of making costume arrangements. It never occurred to me that I was picked on. Upon knowing I might have been indirectly "picked on", multiple thoughts ran through my mind, like how I know I am not a mainstream face here and how because of that, people are not having an easy time accepting the arrangements that I have came up with. I, all of a sudden had all the reason in the world to believe that - No, its not my costume arrangements that have major problem, the major problem is they or some of them anyways, have a problem with the person assigning costumes this time round and that's me.

But you know what, I trust the good taste that God gave me and also the eyes that my other directors have when they come to me wanting to amend costumes in their scene. I am trying to not be arrogant of this position, responsibility and authority given to me, I am just trying to stay firm and protect the vision I've had in mind. In fact, I will try my best also in staying tough while being picked on.

Picked on.? Nah, I intend to work closely with clothes in the future, all the unpleasant things coming my way now I take it as the nature of the task. Do note also that I know how to protect my vision and at the same time know how to consider what amendments are valid and which are not.

The #roc3embrace Journey Pt. 1

This is the Embrace journey as of 7th November 2013. It's Week 3 of my academic calender now, so that means that I have survived Intensive Week together with Week 1 and 2 of ROC practices. Being a scene director, costume director and a backup singer has been packed with experience so far. Intensive Week was not as tough as how I initially imagined, hugely thanks to this current batch of juniors. Not just are they attentive and ready to listen to orders, their enthusiasm, work ethic, professionalism and curiosity has been encouraging to me. They just have so much energy that they stay even when they do not have practices. Like, are you guys kidding meyh.?? 

Been quite happy with the choreography though changes still occur here and there, thanks to my late night Youtubing session, not so with singing because of #macamyestapibukan cases. But there's nothing that can't be whipped to perfection. I am so prepared to be hated >.< To date, we only had one full dress rehearsal, and I truly believe that costumes does bring out a character. Not to sound cocky, but for a first full dress rehearsal, I think the costumes I assigned looked pretty good. HAHAHAHA.. I allow you to laugh and let go of the urge to punch me in the face for 3 seconds. 

Thinking back of how I was as a junior here, I did none of those sort of things. Whenever I do not have scenes, all I do is rush home and get some sleeepppp. I wasn't into availing myself for "girly hangouts" cause they were not my kind of hangout. Fingers crossed for greater productivity to come, both in scene practices and also backup singing practice. Got assigned to sing one of Glee's done-so-right songs so YESSS.!!! I always felt inadequate (one way or another) because of the usual, I-don't-play-any-instruments or I-never-sang-or-joined-a-choir, but I am glad I made up for that through my dad's upbringing on me. Thank goodness I have a dad who listens and appreciated the music of his generation and I guess through that I gained an appreciation not just for the music of his generation but eventually mine as well. How many souls out there can appreciate Bieber? 

But yeah, I know how to fake swag when needed. No amount of formal music education can teach you that. You learn that by hearing your dad sing for fun in the car lols. ROC3 is gonna so kick-ass.!!

Falling Like a Piece of "Nangka"

There was this episode that I had few years back when the people in my batch did an ice skating trip. After numerous rounds on the ice just to be more "fluid" but still skating like a log of wood, two Malay boys were skating behind me and one all of a sudden fell. The one that did not fall laughed and said "bagai nangka jatuh". Translated it means falling like a piece of nangka *dukkk*. That was something that I laughed about for weeks and my batch mates wouldn't let it go as well. That was few years back.

Yesterday, Friday (30th Aug 2013) the CF did a Running Men inspired game. I do not watch Running Men but the gist I got from people was its a game of a team chasing a hiding team. I was paired with a junior and she led the pairing. That is till I fell flat hahaha... The pain is bearable but after spending some time watching Michelle Kwan in the 2002 Olympics free skate, where she fell and just got back up to continue with the program, woooowww, MeiTheng you're a piece of tofu =.=

Skaters falling because of not landing on their jumps basically redefined "nangka jatuh" and how they get on with their program is mind blasting. My case of just a simple fall and I walk with bent knees and ouches here and there...

How is that possible? Overall watching figure skating for the first time in a long time was really fun for me. I still remember what the jumps are called and the spins etc. My childhood =))

"We Are Going Back Now"

Attended MMU's 14th Convocation yesterday. The day started off a little bumpy but am glad that it worked out in the end. Came to Cyber campus slightly later than I expected so by the time I reached, dear Esther has already entered the Grand Hall and the rest were going off to get some lunch, both Malaccans and Cyberians. I just followed because that was where everyone is.

Do note that I write this because I need an outlet to let it out and also because the friends that I call whenever things happened are not available to pick up my call at the moment. I do not intend to hold it in because I don't know what kind of damage it would do to me. Yes, I sayang myself that much and if that makes me a bitch, you're a bitch as well just because I can love myself that much. I guess I am writing this because what actually happened, "the not so good" part affected me one way or another. Trust me, I tried self psycho-ing last night, I didn't work as much as I wanted it too. So the story goes like this...

After lunch at Shaftbury's Subway, I thought all were going to head back to campus; my security and guarantee was with the Engineering Faculty from Malacca as there are graduates that we know from there. Malaccans are strange (at this part, kindly leave should you be offended), they are willing to travel 4 hours and just spend 2 hours plus at the place they traveled to. Unfortunately, my security blanket did not secure me enough. They were all heading back right after lunch (meaning from Subway) and they are not planning to wait for the engineers from Malacca (hahah) to come out from the hall after being "convocated". I panicked for a split second, but then I asked Jerome if he would be okay with me cramming in his car. He was ok with it. Scott who was supposed to be in the same car as Jerome decided to overnight in his own place in PJ so that the journey back to Malacca would be so bad. 

The fault might have also been from me since I came late to campus but if this was a mainstream face, the whole kampung would have waited just so she/he gets what they wanted. And being mainstream really does get you places because people will automatically be more thoughtful of your plight and be extra sacrificial. 

I worked real hard to toughen up against what would have hurt me two years ago and I did. The success rate of this is not a 100% so for the times that I am affected, I can say I am affected bad. Basically, when it doesn't affect me, it just doesn't. But when it does, I am wreck. 

Part and Parcel of Writing

In my previous post, I shared about my hopeless love and ridiculous admiration for Taylor Swift's music and song writing and also how "the moment I control-S my word document, I felt as if I have written the best piece of writing I have in my lifetime". I still am standing by what I wrote haha. I had another meeting over the weekend to present my script to the rest of the scriptwriters. I felt really happy to share what I have written and hearing them laugh and be entertained at what I wrote was so fulfilling to me. I mean, I was in the mindset that I have written the most kick ass thing and that nothing can beat it okay?


After the meeting, there were amendments. I expected this part from the beginning but I believe that one does not find it easy to scrape and re-think an original idea. Even more so when its an original idea that the person herself thought of from scratch. I had quite a tough time deciding what to scrape because all were so precious to me. Too precious. So I kinda left the scraping to my head directorand she did. It was only then the writing/amending got easier for me. As of now, I would say I have finalized my scripts. Finalized as in the version that all scriptwriters are going to present to fellow cast members during the musical launching.


As I was touching them up, I realized that this one song got to stay. I can't reveal what this one song is (find out for yourself during launching), but it was a song that my dad introduced to me when I was very young, around 7 or 8 maybe. You know how the 80's was the decade that produced quite a number of groundbreaking musicals like Footloose, Flashdance and Fame and my dad still being quite "in" then knew them well. This one song is a soundtrack from one of those musicals and my dad being the music enthusiast that he is, told me bout the movie that this song is from and encouraged me to watch it when I got the chance. It was then I was determined to watch the musical when I am old enough (because of explicit content). My chance to watch it eventually came and I can say that that one song is one of those songs that has stuck with me over the years. I don't think of it all the time, but whenever it comes on the radio, I make a mental note that this was one of the songs that my dad shared with me and I know this song in a way that not many in my generation might know. Okay, maybe I am deluded but who actually would know what I know is actually rare? I was 8 years old and has already been fed with pop culture facts hahaha...


Though scraping so much songs that I initially had in mind and written for my script was tough, the whole time I just didn't want to do my job, looking back at the latest version that I have control-S at, I am comforted by the fact of that one song that got to stay =) Working with a team, we sacrifice our preferences to make way for other people's preferences which might weigh more in the big picture.
As the journey continues...

All Too Well

"Wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it all too well"

I like how when I listen to a song that's familiar but yet I can still discover new lyrics in the midst of what is already known. That above is from Taylor Swift's All Too Well and I strongly believe she is the only person on the face of earth that can come up and pull off such lyrics. The fairy tale, dream like feel when one listen's to her music. She has done it multiple times. Another favourite from her is in Sparks Fly's music video. I don't purposely search for MVs to watch but I am glad that I saw this. Ballerinas and those dresses...Such bliss =) 

Going to a Taylor Swift concert is definitely a must in my lifetime. In the meantime, maybe owning her perfume Wonderstruck would be surreal...

I have completed my musical script, with the songs and dialogues and I don't know if its just me but the moment I control-S my word document, I felt as if I have written the best piece of writing I have in my lifetime. It feels perfect. HAHA, but let's just see how the coming weekend's scene presentation would go.

Till then...

Romantically Deprived

One more paper to go for midterm and after I would be midterms free. Someone is gonna get so fluffed up because the title above was "coined" by him. 

I don't know how discrete should one be about something that people already know but none is talking about it publicly. Its a topic that many are unwilling to initiate, but once initiated *poof* hottest topic you can get I think. Anyhow, there will be a major project again this year by the CF and this time round, I'm a "scriptwriter". Not "Bimbo Nurse" or "Kid at Orphanage" or "Non-Playable Character". For now its "scriptwriter", other roles/posts I shall reveal later if any =P 

I have written scripts before, a few times here and there. Written more than what was actually staged or acted out. This would be the biggest script and production that I will be writing to date. Since it will be from scratch and being in a position where you can have a little say at how you want the story to be or go, no doubt you will put up things that you would like to see. Right no.? I had been persistent on a particular matter since day 1 but in the end, it was decided that what I wanted up on display will not get the green light. So that particular thing I wanted so badly, earned me the label of "romantically deprived".

As a person who appreciates art, I'm eager to see where this project will take me. Strange to see myself being the one pushing others now, instead of being the one pushed. Will be cruel or even unrealistic of me to want people to perform like the cast of Glee or dance like the contestants in So You Think You Can Dance. Especially in the area of dance. I am no dancer (I go from saying I have two left legs to the ground is shaking) and heck, I never took ballet before also. But, I have appreciated seeing performances where dancers really stretch as far as they can. You should be able to tell that I like those contemporary ballet or lyrical dance performances by now.  Whatever that I cannot do physically, does not mean I can't picture it in my mind. If there is a piece that I can co-choreograph (mannn, the head director must have that much faith in me), I'm gonna push them to stretch their legs further or jump and leap as high and far as they can. That's in the dance department. Be ready for status quos to be challenged.!

To the journey of script writing, whhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeee~~~~

Rekindle the Fire

That is one thing that impacted me in church today. That three words, the rest of the sermon, I have forgotten or I wasn't paying much attention to begin with. So that three words sealed the deal for me. 

No activities has been carried out for the "thing" that I said yes to yet, but I sure hope that when it does, I will be enthusiastic and positive about it. Its gonna be a role that has much bigger responsibilities that the one I held in the previous production. 

I am not an outstanding figure in leadership, but I don't think I suck big time as well. In student activities/productions, unlike a real job where food on the table is determined by how you do your job, its easy for students or US, to not have much motivation. I once led a group of people who 1) had another language medium as mine. It was bearable at first, I could contain the Grammar Nazi in me. Then after my internship, its irritating to hear people not "speaking properly". They were also of a different kind of work ethic and frequency. They came to meeting multiple times unprepared and when I come to claim their work, they are honest enough to tell me not to worry. I didn't wanna take cheap shots at them or to tell them how to use their time. It was at their own conscience. So, I am not terrible neither am I great. I hope to be open to learning and growth but give me a crowd like that, I just won't be able to be effective and efficient in my work. 

By availing myself for this production in my final year, its definitely a risk. I might have a clue on how demanding this journey would be but not the biggest and clearest picture. Like how the title suggest, its a step (quite a big one actually) that I am taking to rekindle the fire for God. To what lies ahead, its gonna be kick-ass (most used words at the moment).

Welcome to the New Age...

Brrrr, post and title has no relations. That is what happens when I don't know what to name a post and Youtubing at the same time. *Radioactive (cover) by Clara C*

There are a few things that has been on my mind regarding this space here. After so blogging for almost 2 years now, I find my blog not being like those commercial blogs that I follow. It has been somehow an outlet for me to let out anger, frustrations and ramblings. I want a happpeeeyyyhhh blog where I share happy stuff, where I put good things out there. But no, that's so not the case here. I mean, where are my attempts of #OOTD posts. See, I follow fashion blogs where bloggers blog bout the personal style, their vacations, their foodie adventures and I have a weakness for such blogs. Major weakness. Till today, I have never taken a full #ootd shot. Too shy to be in front of the camera. With time and lost of hope, hopefully, I can turn this blog around as I have no plans on moving to a new blog. Don't worry, I will still bitch bout nonsense and crap that is affecting me here.

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There was this incident of me "holding the wrong key at the wrong time" back when I was in Gamma2. Its Delta1 now, so that would be approximately 2 semesters ago. I was holding the key to this study space that me and a bunch of my friends frequent. I was there one night, trying to be a nerd and study for my upcoming Finals. Studying, studying, I halfway got a call from a senior which after that phone call conversation I would call a jackass. So, innocent MeiTheng, studying so hard for Finals got a call from a soon to be jackass senior. Jackass senior on the other line was the epitome of rude and uncivilized. Like my goodness, didn't you learn anything bout manners growing up.? Who on earth talks to a girl, as a matter of fact people like this - "I wanna make myself clear and I don't wanna repeat myself so you listen carefully here. I want the keys to be in my hands by tonight. You understand that or not?". Maybe just maybe, you never learned manners growing up. Stupid me, I got traumatized by that phone call. To think, the keys were in my hands. If I wanted to play games, he would have needed to play by my rules. I could have played hide and seek with him and be a diva and demand him to talk properly.

So that was one. Then there was the no-balls apology this person pulled off. He was already there in the study space when I reached. This was few nights later btw. He pulled his friend along when he apologized to me. Oh mai, brother, where are your balls.??? Like seriously.? Where the heck were they.? So bravely lecture me over the phone and this is the apology you pulled off.?

Months passed and I lived a kick ass life through my internship. After my internship and for my final year, I moved into my own single room, in a house with people I know. Then it was CG, and he is a close friend of one of my housemates. He was chit chatting with my housemate and when he saw me at the hall, I sensed he felt awkward. I said "Hi" and its like he wanted to leave my porch so fast. What a waste right? Inflicting awkwardness on your own. It shows that he knows his apology was bullshit, because if he sees his apology as valid, he wouldn't have felt so awkward to stand at my porch longer. You brought this on yourself brother and I am going to be around. Don't mess with me yo! #YOLO

the Big Blue...

Hooray!! Guess who completed her internship.? Its obvious isn't it. After more than 12 weeks at IBM, I came to my last day. It has been a great journey filled with learning, learning and more learning. The first day that I stepped into Plaza to register and make my employee badge, I was determined to be good at my job and to make this journey a memorable, kick-ass one. When they asked if I could extend till the week before my new semester was suppose to start, I didn't hesitate much. To get a placement with them with the results that I have is a miracle on its own ~ this part I would like to thank my upbringing, thank God I spoke English at home that made me nail the interview in parts where my CV was dented. Extending wasn't much of an issue for me also is because I know how I have been away for stuffs regarding my grandmother and also with Malacca. Am I proud of the placement and also the work I did. A "no" would be total bull right? So definitely yes, I am proud of what I have done during my internship. I didn't get a chance to check how many job seekers that I have handled or have contacted was successfully hired. Whether my performance was exceptional or not, is probably another matter. My main tasks in the office was basically phone interviewing job seekers, passive sourcing for job seekers in job portals, screening CVs, posting and advertising jobs to name a few. I would say I enjoy doing it, though sometimes I find some of it a little tedious. Apart from that, I also had a presentation, which I think I did a decent job at =P 

The three months plus that I was at home, many things had happened. From losing my grandmother to getting a new phone. Talk about extremes. I believed in the three months plus that I was there I contributed to the team that I was assigned in, be it a major or a minor one. I loved getting my paycheck (ooohhh I love my paycheck), knowing that I worked for those money feels good. But I didn't really save while I was home also ~ I spent so much for new clothes but looking at my closet now, I don't see where are my new clothes also. Now that I am back to being a student, I felt almost immediately that my thrifty nature came back haha...

There were stuff that I played a part in and contributed which is not my proudest moments. If there is such a thing as a punishment as of now, I am paying the price. Now that classes have resumed and I am now back in campus, I have to pay my dues for the nonsense that I have done while I was away. Since this is my space in the WWW, I shall write clear and hard of what hurts (quoting Ernest Hemingway). Indeed its not painless (double negatives haha) for me, I did not set out to hurt and maybe back stab. In such an age of social media, there are plenty of keyboard warriors and unfortunately I am one too in this matter. So going for whatever trips for the purpose of relaxation and appreciation whatever, was out of the question for me then. Last minute or whatever, I leave it to the person to think. To publicly write you can't believe what happened "yesterday" is probably not your proudest moment either. You said plenty to me after, after which I don't see a point in explaining myself. And no, not because I wanna disperse blame or I was completely at guilt, but because you don't have a single grasp on me. Accountability, my friend, is probably one concept that you never got. I almost laughed out loud when you were screwing me, in the middle of such a not laughable time. Do I wonder if I am or was a table topic to you and your friends? Well yea of course, I must be blind if I don't think so. Am I sorry for what I have done? Yes of course, I didn't set out to hurt a friend. I failed at being of help to you. Do I bother if you are aware of that? Probably not. I know what my intentions are and were and that should be enough already. 

But all in all, my internship was mine. The things I faced, the challenges I overcame, its value adding to myself. What I have done is possibly selfish, but it is mine to keep and "sell" when I graduate and look for jobs. I did question myself this, which I think can be of use to many ~ Is it better to be brainless or heartless? At that time, my answer was it was better to be heartless. I need my brains to get by. Well, sometimes I am quite the bitch. I'll admit that.

Happier posts to come for Delta.!! #finalyearstudent

*Sigh*

At times and situations like this, all my ability to think straight is non-existent. All I want to do so badly is fling whatever I can get my hands on and just be a 5 year old throwing tantrum. 

Indeed the best person for yourself is yourself. 

One day hopefully, I can loudly say "I don't need you because I have me. But you will need me, because you  are not me!". 

Grandma would be proud on how self sustaining I plan to be. 

Adults.? Well reality check, adults don't give away 300 bucks a month to suffer. Is that seriously the best economic decision you can make? All of a sudden, you don't know what choice and opportunity cost is? Your choice is something that will give you the most satisfaction. 

You are not up for a discussion despite how you say you are ready to listen. When a conversation does not go the way you want it to, you stop it by walking away.

Why on earth do I want to waste time dealing with something that I have the option to not deal with?

Please, what on earth was wrong and which part of my simple explanation did you not get? Which. Part??

#SOSGrandma!!!